Preview: Sziget festival

If the mass exodus at Glastonbury on Sunday nights by non-music loving attendees so keen on beating traffic that they cause their own traffic teaches us one thing, it is this:

Glastonbury is increasingly frequented by morons who don’t really want to go. Morons who buy wellies especially for the occasion (“John Lewis! My butler picked them up! Only £165 in the sale!”). Morons to whom a ‘line up’ triggers images of a police investigation. 

Beats clubbers, these morons are the reason you cannot procure Glastonbury tickets. 

But then again, these days, is that really such a bad thing? As we’ve covered extensively here at the Beats Club, the plethora of European music festivals that have gathered steam in recent years is now officially where it’s at. Mad Cool, Musilac, Primavera, Benicassim, Bilbao – the list, these days, is mighty formidable. 

And towards the top of that list this year – perhaps even crowning the damn thing – is a festival all Beats Clubbers should at the very least have on their radar: Hungary’s Sziget.

The line up

The first thing you must know about Sziget is it’s a marathon, six (yes, six) day extravaganza.

Stretched thin, you might expect the organisers to have skimped a touch on the line up. You know how it typically goes: you get two days of meek artists during which you excitedly burn through your entire stock of intoxicants only to realise, on day three, when you’re in the foetal position wondering where it all went wrong, the acts you actually came to see are yet to even appear.

But not at Sziget!

Nope, on day one of Sziget you can expect to witness none other than Kylie Minogue!

Sure, Kylie’s fairly far from the kinda artist the Beats Club might usually write home about, but such acts at a festival invariably take on a new form. This year, Kylie’s is a set no ‘Szitizen’ will want to miss.

If, however, you prefer to stay firmly in your lane, there’s Tom Odell on day one. There’s Fisher. There’s Barry Can’t Swim. Artemis. Royal Otis. The take home is clear: this is not fluff.

Indeed, even a casual flick through the Sziget line up will reveal the artists on offer are more than enough to justify the ticket price. As the festival goes on, you’re gonna get Halsey, you’re gonna get Liam Gallagher, Stormzy is set to swing by, Sam Smith, Fontaines D.C., the obligatory set from European festival whores Crystal Fighters, there’s Editors, Yard Act, Skrillex, Four Tet and Big Thief… before the festival is topped by none other than the current electro-dance king himself, Fred Again.. 

And that, Beats Clubbers, is just the beginning. 

The location

One of the interesting things about Sziget is it technically takes place in a city. Technically, that city is Budapest. And yet, Sziget’s organisers have carved out a natural cranny for the fest in the form of a little island on the Danube – dubbed, brilliantly, The Island of Freedom. 

That means, Beats Clubbers, that despite taking place in a city, Sziget is no city-fest complete with noise curfews and an absence of cheap accommodation. Basic camping pitches are included in Sziget’s ticket price – which means you get all the acts above and your accommodation in one neat package. 

You must also note that, in Budapest, in August, it’s gonna be balmy. Think flop-flops and swimmers as opposed to your macintosh and wellington boots. Whether or not you can actually dip in the Danube river remains unclear: A recent trip over to Exit festival (which takes place a stone’s throw from the same river, albeit in Serbia) once taught us that, even if swimmers manage to survive the Danube’s dangerous current, they should remain within twenty feet of a bathroom for the next seven-to-ten days.

Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the waterside from terra firma. Sziget have even set up a cheeky area for revellers to do just that: The ‘Sziget Beach’ (only a bit of a stretch) is made for topping up tans while taking in nearby chilled beats.

Given the festival is a six-day bender, The Beach is one area you won’t want to miss.  

The vibe

Depending on who you ask, Sziget’s vibe is either proclaimed a heaven on earth or an area 51 – and all for the same reason.

While plenty of festivals have popped up to cater for parents with toddlers who attempting to prove they’re still current, Sziget is not one of them. Quite the contrary, in fact: Sziget is one giant party.

Enthusiastic attendees of years gone by have described Sziget as a marathon through which you must (must) pace yourself. Others have paused, with a glint in their eye. “Yeah. Sziget. Yeah. It’s a rite of passage.”

In one crowdsourced Insta clip, a Szitizen is filmed opening a portaloo door. This portaloo, however, houses no horrors. Inside the loo, there’s a secret tunnel that leads curious Szitizens to a secret rave.

And that sorta shit is on top of the line up above.

For what it’s worth there are pockets of festival blissfulness, including comedy sets, a series of interesting talks (we’re looking forward to “It’s not porn, I’m on Only Fans!”), circus acts, and the now obligatory wellness sessions, including the intriguingly titled ‘break-yoga’. 

After our inadvertent Boardmasters voga experience, we’ll likely give the session a miss. Sequentially opening portaloo doors in search of secret portals (reading that back, it now sounds weird) is much more our style. 

The summary

At Sziget, good times await. A stellar line up, an impressive location, and a six-day long party marathon should make this baby a serious contender for Beats Clubbers of all sizes. 

We’ll be there. On good advice, pacing ourselves.

See you by The Beach Xx

Sziget returns on the 7th-12th of August 2024. Full festival passes, 3-day passes and day tickets are on sale now. Full passes start at €369 plus booking fees and include camping. Day tickets begin at €85 plus booking fees, and there are discounts for under 21’s. Check it out – szigetfestival.com/tickets/.